Saturday, January 5, 2013

What happened to BLAIRE?!

WARNING: This is a very long blog. Turn back now or forever hold your peace.

So, being that I was absent for suuuuuuuch a long time, I thought maybe I should at least take the time to explain my sudden vanishing act.  To say the least, 2012 was a year of many downs.  But to better tell this story I think I'll Quentin Tarantino it. We'll start at the end, work our way back to the beginning, then pick up somewhere in the middle and then...HAHA! I'm kidding.

Okay, okay...I'll just tell it. 

Late 2011 I began experiencing some really intense headaches.  But these headaches weren't just a simple pain in the head, these particular headaches were beyond excruciating. I began experiencing extreme disorientation, dizziness, blackouts, nausea, vomitting...basically, I felt like a walking side effect of some black market drug that failed to get approved by the FDA. LOL!

To say the least, I was MISERABLE! *sigh*

After a trip to the emergency room, and a nice little (okay, tearful) chat with my family doctor...I was referred to a Neurologist where they took blood, gave me the old poke-poke-stab-stab treatment, scanned, and took great pleasure in prodding me.  After all was said and done I learned that I suffered from migraines. I know!! Womp womp. Not exactly the most earth shattering diagnosis.

"Migraines?! What are you, Blaire? A wimp?" Honestly, I was so glad that nothing more serious had showed up, considering how awful I felt, that I didn't care how wimpy I seemed.

But yes, ladies and gents, I definitely felt like a wimp. A sobbing, fetal position, thumb sucking wimp. But as it turned out, not only was I suffering from migraines, but a rare form called Status Migrainosus.  But I didn't care what they called it, since by this point I had sustained a consistent, non-stop migraine for three months straight...and simply wanted nothing more than to make it GO. AWAY!! I had lost more than 30 pounds (in three months) due to extreme nausea and my inability to hold down food, and the "headache" was thoroughly kicking my butt.

I was soon admitted into the doctor's care to begin treatment, with the FIRST priority being to stop the cycle (my migraine). And all I can say is, thank goodness for DRUGS! And I mean the legal kind, not the crack kills kind.

After three days of straight treatment (on some pretty powerful meds), the migraine I had sustained for three months was finally gone. HALLELUJAH! But little did I know that my journey had only just begun. The next seven months would be the darkest and most frustrating days of my life.  For what I didn't understand at the time was that stopping a cycle did not mean the end of more to come.  Now it became a race to figure out how to keep from getting them over and over again for such long periods of time.  Now you'd think this would be a simple solution (well, I certainly did)...after all, it's just a headache (of sorts), take some extra-strength Tylenol and get some sleep.

Well, by this time my insomnia was completely out of control and I was suffering from a serious case of fatigue. I was sleeping maybe two hours a night, sometimes not at all because the pain was so intense. When I was awake, I was typically immobile, disfunctional, and completely incoherent when I attempted to communicate. It was as if my mind had completely abandoned me, and I was alone in a dark room with nothing but pain for a companion.  I felt alone and completely robbed of my life. It was as if the pain and zombie-like state I was now in, due to my body having to adjust to the new drugs and reoccuring migraines, had completely taken over. And it was like a completely different person surfaced, locking the old me away.  My emotions were all over the place, and I never knew how I would feel one day to the next.  I know it must sound so dramatic to say it that way, but this had become my world, and it consumed me.  I was, to put it bluntly, a walking zombie disaster.  These months would come to be a long stretch of trial and error with the doctors, through process of elimination, trying to figure out the appropriate treatment and dosage for my particular condition and situation. I was forced to completely change my diet in order to avoid trigger foods that could spark a migraine, my whole routine changed, and I found myself taking meds just so I could perform the simple tasks of getting out of bed each day.

Yes. It would take seven months to finally find a medication that worked for me.  Meaning I was migraine free for at least six weeks at a time. HURRAY!!! It wasn't perfect, but in my mind a step forward was still a step forward. I was able to get out again, work out, I was up to my usual 5 hours of sleep and it finally seemed like I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. But my joy would be short-lived, because in early October things took turn, and I began to have seizure like symptoms.  And similar to before, I experienced extreme pains in my head (like a migraine) but now I was losing feeling in limbs, as well as experiencing muscle spasms in my face and body.

Talk about a NIGHTMARE!!

Without even hesitating I was back to my Neurologist, and it was discovered I had a condition known as Occipital Neuralgia.  SHEESH!! I just couldn't seem to catch a break.  I was once again really bummed out and completely disheartened that things weren't looking as great as I had hoped. And I'm sure, like me, you all must be wondering...WILL THIS EVER END, BLAIRE?!

Yes, yes I promise this post will end very soon. Haha!

It has now been three months since my final diagnosis and I am pleased to report that my migraines have definitely become more manageable and occur much less and far in between.  And my "episodes", for the moment, seem to be under control.  WOO-HOO!!! *HAPPY DANCES* I am still required to take daily meds at this point, and will most likely need them for the rest of my life, along with regular checkups to monitor any changes or additional symptoms that may pop up.  But I am so grateful to finally feel like I'm getting back to myself again.  The windows have been opened and my dark room is now filled with light. I will admit that I hated losing so much time, having neglected my writing and all of you for so long, and without any explanation. I'm so sorry about that. But I'm sooooooo glad to be blogging again, and hope 2013 will be a little kinder than 2012.

Any's great to be back! And I hope to continue to be around in some form or fashion until I kick the bucket!

Happy Writing & Happy Reading!


1 comment:

  1. Holy cow, girl! What a craptastic year. I am sooooo sorry that you have had to deal with such a monumental inconvenience. I was very happy to find a post by you in my feed this morning. I kind of wondered if maybe you had packed up and moved to a third world country without internet. Ha. Seriously though, I give you wishes of health and ambition for 2013.

    Glad you're back, doll.